A Letter from my Husband

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Being a mother is the most selfless thing a woman can do.

Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves after having a baby?


I mean, we grow a tiny human in our bodies, spend hours painfully pushing life into this world, and then nourish them with our body for at least the first year of his or her life.

Isn’t that enough?

Why do we then have to stress over losing the baby weight? Why do we torture ourselves with mommy-guilt? Do we constantly have to compare ourselves, our lives, and our circumstances to others?

Self-image in motherhood is something many women struggle with. I am definitely one of those women– and the struggle is real. A brief glance in the mirror can make my chest ache with sorrow, like a sad memory. I have literally felt hot tears rise up from my throat while brushing my hair and trying to get ready for the day. The image of who I am in my head is not the same image that is reflected back at me from the mirror. And at times this new reflection leaves me feeling ashamed, in despair, self-pity, or fear. It feels like my body is betraying me.

Have you struggled to accept the “new” post-baby version of yourself, Mama?

But the thing is, we really aren’t the same person anymore, are we? Most of us Mommies are better people than we were before motherhood. We are more responsible, more understanding. We are drinking more coffee and less wine. Our priorities are in order. Our faith in God is stronger than ever before. We’ve matured in so many ways. But, there are a few problems that lead us to think less of ourselves:

The problem is that our brains were wrapped up into motherhood so quickly, that our bodies haven’t had a chance to catch up.

The problem is that we wish we had the same motivation to get our old bodies back as we have for taking care of everyone else.

The problem is that after however many years, we’re still trying to get used to this “new me” version of ourselves.

The problem is that years after having a baby, we're still trying to get used to this 'new me' version of ourselves. #motherhood Click To Tweet

Do you feel that way too, Mama?

Years ago, my husband, Ryan, made a promise to me one night while we were only a few months into dating. He promised me that when he felt confident that he could provide for me, and give me everything that I deserved, he would ask me to be his wife. And he said with 100% certainty that one day soon he would be asking that question. He then gave me a ring to signify his promise.

That night I felt like I was the only woman in the world that mattered. I felt treasured. I felt valued. And I felt radiantly beautiful. He was the only person to see the real me and love every part of what he saw. To see my inner beauty as well as outer. He was the first person to see the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of myself and love me as I am.

That night I saw myself through his eyes.

Now, many years and two children later, I feel like a totally different person than I was that night. He sees a different version of me now. And it’s been a long time since I’ve seen myself through his eyes.

That is until he wrote me this letter.

To My Beautiful Wife,

Thank you for being my best friend, my wife, and the mother of our two amazing little men. Thank you for changing my life in an irreversible and nearly indescribable way, and showing me just how much love I can have and give.

The relationship we had prior to our boys was beautiful. It was filled with love and excitement, late nights and long weekends away. We spent nights snuggled up on the couch, traveled across the country, took risks, supported and encouraged each other to be our best selves. We laid in bed for hours, holding each other and talking about anything and everything. Thank you for these memories, they are absolutely priceless to me.

Now, we are parents. Our focus has turned from each other to our children. Our late nights have turned to early ones, our holding each other has turned into family snuggle time, and our weekends away….well maybe someday. Despite the chaos, exhaustion, poopy diapers, spilled milk and temper tantrums we experience daily, I’d take just one of these days over one hundred of just you and I. I’ve never experienced love like this, my heart is so full. Thank you for that, my wife.

Thank you for being the best Mommy I could have ever asked for, for our boys. I watch you with our boys and tear up sometimes. Your touch, your care, your comfort, it’s all magic to them. They adore you immeasurably. I truly don’t think an adult can comprehend what a Mommy means to a child. You are their everything, you have given them life, you give them sustenance, you give them every fiber of you every single day.

Thank you for the many sacrifices you have made to be the Mommy you are today. You have given your time, your body, your freedom, your career, your privacy, etc. The list of sacrifices you have made could go on and on, for pages and pages. Just know that I see the sacrifices you have made and continue to make daily, and I am eternally grateful for them. Being a Mother is one of the most selfless things a woman can do. It is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed.

Thank you for showing me this side of life. I get to be a husband, a father, a provider, and I get to have the most beautiful, selfless, hardest working Mommy of all, you. You’re not only our boy’s world, you are my world. I adore you honey, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have given me and our boys. There is a special place in Heaven waiting for you.

I love you,

Ryan

How do you look through your husband’s eyes, Mama?

I need to have this discussion with you because as Moms we all struggle with our self-image and self-worth. We are far more critical of ourselves than anyone who loves us.

In our head, we see the pre-baby version of ourselves. And then after childbirth, you start seeing yourself differently. It happens almost immediately. There’s mom-brain, and more yoga pants in your wardrobe. Sleep becomes an inside joke between you and your new baby. There’s spit up in your hair and bags under your eyes and wrinkles…. where did those come from anyway?

I get it, Mama, I see the changes in myself too. You can read about all the other things I wasn’t expecting from motherhood HERE.

But as Mommies, we are beautiful in a whole new way. And we are so much more than our appearance. There is much more to us now than ever before. And the love inside of us radiates a new kind of beauty to those around us.

It can be easy to forget that part and only remember the part in front of the mirror, can’t it?

Motherhood is beautiful. I am lucky for the reminder my husband gave me. And I hope that it will be a good reminder for you too, my friend.

You are beautiful. You are selfless. You are loved.

 

 

14 COMMENTS

  1. Jennifer | 18th Oct 17

    So beautiful! Every man should have that perspective, and every woman should hear it. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Melissa | 18th Oct 17

    This is so sweet! Sometimes I struggle with my self image, but my husband always cheers me up.

  3. Echo | 18th Oct 17

    I think after baby is here it is hard to remember what your body was capable of. You carried and delivered a tiny human. I know it is so hard but we need to remember that and accept that it took 9 months to grow the human it will take at least that to get back to our pre-baby body, if ever, and that’s ok.

  4. Jenny | 18th Oct 17

    OMG! What a sweet letter. It is so important to have a great support system after giving birth, and it looks like you have an amazing one.

  5. Edwin Prasetio | 19th Oct 17

    I’m so touched reading the letter. Reminding me of cherishing times while we are still given a chance to live. Your husband remarks that we remember the times when we were young lovers, then united as husband and wife, being parents, kids are growing up, till we will be older ones one day..

  6. Linda Reed | 19th Oct 17

    Wow. Ryan’s letter truly leaves me speechless. So sweet, so beautiful & so true. He’s such a sweet man. ❤️

  7. Laura | 20th Oct 17

    This is so sweet. I love how our hubbies know just what to say ❤️ You’ve got yourself a keeper! And what you had to say is so true. I never thought about it but we do hold on to the “old us” in terms of body image but there is so much more to us now that we’re moms. Thank you sweet mama for reminding me 😊

  8. Jackie uy | 20th Oct 17

    Beautiful post put me into tears literally I’m a young mom with my first child. It’s so true the struggle is real but I think it is all worth it. I agree that the letter are the words every mom should hear from their support 🙂

  9. Anna | 20th Oct 17

    Such a beautiful letter! We need to be reminded of this daily. Thank you so much for sharing and encouraging me.

  10. Taylor Johnson | 20th Oct 17

    This is a beautiful article and such an encouragement to us moms! I have definitely been there! We may look at our outward appearance, but the Lord (and our husband) look at the heart. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  11. Lori | 23rd Oct 17

    Ryan’s letter is priceless! But how he made you feel – and what it’s prompted you to write to all of us wives, has even greater value! Thank you for sharing…

    Rob and I have been together since we were 15 and 17, and married for 33+ years. The people we were in our 20’s are different than the people we are today. (and will be in another 10 years). Every decade seems to bring a different view of each other – and seeing each other through our beloved’s eyes is such a gift. For as much as my love language is words of affirmation, believing those words takes effort. Sometimes when the words are written down, they have a greater impact for me. A few months ago I came back to our little house-on-wheels (we’ve realized a 30-year dream and are living/traveling full-time in our RV) Rob had left little “sticky notes” all around our space with all the things he appreciates about me. I left them up for weeks, and when they started falling off, I put them into my journal which I see every day. Their value was/is/will be— immense. I saw myself as he sees me.

  12. Jamie | 23rd Oct 17

    This post is beautiful! I love how he sees you even though it’s hard to see yourself that way. I also struggle with this even though my husband loves every stripe I earned through Motherhood and loves me more now then he ever could have before we went through this crazy journey together. Thanks so much for sharing!

  13. Marijon | 23rd Oct 17

    What a beautiful letter. I so agree the outward appearance means nothing if you don’t have a beautiful, caring heart. Such an encouraging post. Thank you for sharing.

  14. Rebecca | 27th Oct 17

    I love this! Our husbands can be such strong support for us. When you have a good spouse, your life is so much better!

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